


Boy Meets Dog

by Churbooseanon



Series: Guns For Hire [18]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Guns For Hire AU, Mercenaries, Pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 00:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6493138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Churbooseanon/pseuds/Churbooseanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caboose tries to figure out how to get the one thing he wants more than anything: a dog. Part of the problem is that his best friend Church doesn't want a dog. So what happens if he gets one anyway?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boy Meets Dog

**Author's Note:**

> From my 1.5k follower story giveaway, the winner for this one being Prettypoopoo of Tumblr. They wanted a Guns For Hire AU story where Caboose meets a certain little friend.

Dogs, Church informs him briskly, need space to run. They need to be outside and to play and to see other dogs so they don’t get sad. Of course Church is right, Caboose is certain that his best friend knows a lot about a lot of things so Caboose is careful to write it down. He keeps a notebook about all the rules and wisdom Church has about dogs. From Church and the television Caboose learns about not letting dogs on the furniture and no chewing shoes. He learns about bowls of water and food and vets and the importance of good food and toys to play with. He looks at ads about dog beds and stairs so they can climb into your bed, and big indoor mats to let them do the other business of walkies inside. 

Months and months and months and days he researches and writes and asks Church very, very sweetly. But the answer is always the same. Well, not the same same. Different sorts of the same. 

“Church, we should get a dog,” Caboose says casually as he cuts a sandwich he made for Church in half. 

“No,” Church answers before running forward and taking the knife away. “You can’t even make a sandwich without cutting a plastic fucking plate in half. You can’t handle a dog!”

“I promise I would give it lots of baths and brush it and vacuum the floors,” Caboose promises. 

“Holy shit get out of the bathroom!” Church yelps a bit like he’s hurt. “Fucking crazy, you don’t walk in while someone is in the shower! And no dogs!” 

Caboose signs and leaves the clean towel he got for Church on the closed toilet lid. 

“What if it’s a really little dog? It won’t eat or drink much,” he suggests as they move through the grocery store. “And only healthy food.”

“Yeah, I don’t believe you,” Church answers as he gestures to the cart that Caboose has just dumped an armload of cookie boxes into. “You would give a mutt diabetes in no time flat.”

“But I would love it so very much,” Caboose says with a sigh over a dinner of microwaved mac and cheese, pushing his food around forlornly. 

“Which is fucking great for the day and a half before I would be responsible for it,” Church grumbles before sipping his beer. “You’re so anxious about getting your digital cat sick that you make me take care of it.”

“Why can’t I have a pet?” Caboose whines as Church turns on his new game system which totally cost more than a dog. 

“Because we live on an actually fucking hell planet where the sky occasionally and not so predictably decides to open up and release poisonous gases or acid rain or whatever other shit it decides on,” Church snaps with a tone that says the conversation is over. Very over. So Caboose doesn’t press anymore. There is something to be said for knowing when to not push. 

That doesn’t mean he’s entirely quiet about the matter. Far from it. He just stops talking to Church. If he can’t have the answer he wants, he has to find a way to get that answer. So Caboose goes to the person he knows that always gets his man, because that is what Caboose needs. The right answer to the question that truly matters to him. At least the only question regarding small cute fluffy animals that he wants to keep at home and take on walks and play fetch with. Still important. 

“So, Church is saying no to you in the bedroom?” Donut asks while Caboose brings in a stack of boxes to carry to where Donut points. Caboose loves his job for that. He’s like a superhero. He gets in the cool truck his boss tells him to and he helps the helpless who can’t lift the heavy boxes the boss sends. This one is marked fragile so Caboose moves slow and careful with it. Donut doesn’t seem to mind. 

“I don’t ask in the bedroom,” Caboose says thoughtfully. Maybe he should have. 

“See, that’s your problem. That sort of important question is so about the bedroom. You’ve got to…”

“Dear god tell me you’re not getting advice from Donut.”

Caboose looks over the counter of the little pastry shop and smiles. “Hello Mister Grif. What is wrong?”

“Well, for one thing, no one has put my morning two dozen donuts in my hands, and Sarge will get pissy if he doesn’t get a donut. Second, you’re talking to an idiot for advice. It’s like the blind person leading an idiot.”

“Oh Grif,” Donut says as he produces a pink box, “the saying is the blind leading the blind.”

“I stand by my insult,” Grif insists as he gets his money out. “What do you need, Caboose?”

“Church won’t let me have a dog,” Caboose mopes. More heads should be better at solving the problem, right?

“Wow, not even doggystyle?” Donut asks, horror in his voice. 

“That is completely not what he said,” Grif rolls his eyes as the box is handed over. “He wants an actual dog. You know, eating, shitting, slobbering creature that does nothing but mooch on your time and energy and who expects you to clean up after them.”

“I know the type,” Donut says, a tone in his voice that Caboose doesn’t understand but that he knows Church uses a lot. 

“The answer is not to ask,” Grif informs them both. “Easier to get forgiveness than permission or something. Besides, even that asshole can’t say no to something that cute looking at him with puppy dog eyes.”

For some reason they both look at Caboose when Grif says that. Caboose just smiles back. 

He’s going to have a dog and Church will love it! 

\------

“What the actual fuck is this!?”

Church’s voice when he opens the apartment door isn’t a mere shout. No, Caboose thinks it’s a bit more like Freckles’s excited barks. But angrier. And maybe a bit scared. Freckles’s ears immediately perk up, his tail straight out behind him as the dog turns toward the door. Quickly Caboose grabs the dog’s leash, left it on when they got home, and grips it carefully. What if Freckles doesn’t like Church, or really likes him and tries to jump on him? Either way that would be really bad, right? Worse than really bad. Church could get hurt, or Freckles scared. Neither would be a good way to let them become friends, so Caboose holds the leash carefully. 

“It’s our new dog,” Caboose announces brightly. “His name is Freckles. Because of the spots scattered around his muzzle, see?”

“I can see it’s a fucking dog,” Church shouts angrily. “See, that can’t be possible. Because I’ve told you, like, twenty times that there was no fucking way we were going to get a dog. So that very clearly isn’t a dog so take it outside and put it where you found it.”

“Church, I can’t. I own him,” Caboose whimpers in response. 

“Yeah, no, take it the fuck back.”

Take it back? It’s not that simple. Caboose bites his lip and when Church moves forward something happens. Freckles starts to growl. His teeth show as his lips curl back just a bit, and the sound rumbles up from his belly and fills the air, making Church flinch back. 

“That’s… not a good sound,” Caboose notes. And as he does his grip on the leash tightens even more, twisting it around his wrist even as Church starts to back up. “Oh no, please don’t do that Freckles. Bad Freckles, no growling.”

“You didn’t just get a dog you weren’t supposed to have but you got a crazy beast who wants to eat my face!” Church snaps, and Caboose watches as Freckles takes a step forward. 

“Don’t back up,” Caboose warns Church. “The books I read said that when you show you’re scared the dog knows it and then it’s like, it wants to prove it’s more in control than you are. But the books say that Freckles will do better with leadership, so you need to stand there and…”

“Don’t act like you know a single fucking thing,” Church snaps, taking a step back. 

Everything happens at once. Or really in a string of incidents, but Caboose can see how they’re all interconnected. Church backs up, and Freckles’s back legs gather below him as he starts to lunge. The leash goes tight in Caboose’s hand, but he’s a superhero or something, because of the box carrying and all that. So the leash goes tight and Freckles doesn’t move a hair further because Caboose is holding him back. 

“Shit! Fuck! Holy fuck! Your fucking snarling mutt tried to attack me!” Church shouts in that high squeaky way he does when he’s upset or angry or scared. And his face looks like all of them at once. 

“You made him uncomfortable,” Caboose protests as he pulls at the leash to drag Freckles back to his side. “It’s just a bad first impression. I know you two can be great friends like me and him. We’re all going to be…”

“He isn’t staying here. The dog goes or I go, and you can’t pay for this place on your own.”

 

All Caboose can do is stare at him in pain and shock. Would the man really just leave like that? Get rid of him? Weren’t he and Church supposed to be the best friends ever? Church likes him a lot, how Caboose cooks for him and gives him towels for the shower and makes the bed. There is no way Church would ever…

But there is a look. Right there. Caboose looks down at his feet, at Freckles, and then stands from the couch. “I’m sorry, Church I’ll… Freckles and I will go into the hall. There is a bag of things by the couch. You can put his things in it. I’ll take Freckles back to the pound and return everything and…”

Caboose wants to cry, so much, but he doesn’t. He reaches down at his side, putting his hand on Freckles’s head. The fur there is so soft, and when he strokes behind an ear, which gets Freckles to relax a bit. It takes them nearly five minutes to carefully shuffle Freckles outside and Church inside, and after that the two of them sit together in the hallway. The second Caboose is down, Freckles is sitting next to him, his muzzle rubbing against Caboose’s shoulder. Poor Freckles, the dog wants to make him feel better. Or maybe he’s after the tear at the corner of Caboose’s eyes. 

“It’s okay Freckles, we’ll figure out how to make Church like you.”

The statement comes with the door opening and the brightly colored bag hitting the wall with more force than Caboose knew Church could muster. The door slams right back behind it, and Freckles jumps to his feet to bark in distress. 

“That’s not good,” Caboose sighs. He moves forward to the bag, and slowly starts to pack it back up. There will be time enough to say goodbye when they get to the pound. 

\------

The day is a clear one, a nice one, so Caboose does the only thing he can think of before losing the dog. The park, a safely enclosed dome open to the public and filled with plants both real and fake, always made him smile. Maybe it was because the lights were like sun and it felt warm and welcoming. Hopefully Freckles would like it too. The big shaggy dog that the lady had called something like a manshepard pulls eagerly at his leash, always trying to drag Caboose along in his excitement to smell everything, circle everything, see everything. Caboose’s own first trip to the park with Church was a lot alike. He must have splashed in every fountain and sat on every bench and hugged every tree. Freckles is a lot like him in that. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe the reason Church doesn’t like Freckles is because he doesn’t like Church. 

With a sigh Caboose flops down onto a bench, after taking the big pack of dog toys and bowls and treats off of his back. He was going to get a bed too, and food, but that was a lot to carry even for him so the food and bed and new collar and leash he had been planning to get tonight with Church. To make Freckles theirs instead of just his. 

Caboose sighs, and Freckles must know he’s sad because the pup jumps up onto the bench with him. It’s cute enough that Caboose smiles, even with how sad he is, when the pup puts his front paws and sweet head in Caboose’s lap. Those honey brown eyes look up at him and it hurts because Caboose can’t keep him. 

“But I love you so much and I want to take care of you and be your bestest pal,” Caboose whimpers mournfully as he strokes Freckles’s furry head. 

“Well, that’s good, because I think he likes you too.”

For a moment Caboose frowns. “Freckles, did you learn how to talk?”

“Dogs can’t talk, silly,” the small voice answers and when Caboose looks past Freckles he sees the boy. He isn’t so big of a kid, but he’s wearing purple and black, tilting his head at Caboose and watching him with vivid purple eyes. Yellow curls frame his face and his smile is huge. 

“Oh. No, I guess not,” Caboose agrees. 

“Hey Mister, can I pet your dog?” the boy asks, his eyes getting even brighter, even bigger. 

“Theta,” a warmer, deeper adult voice says, “that isn’t how you ask politely for things.”

This stranger is tall when Caboose finds him with his eyes. Well, he’s probably always tall. But he’s really tall and that is saying something for Caboose. His hair is the color of sunlight which is really nice. His own clothes are a darker purple, and under his arms two helmets are tucked, a light purple child one and a dark purple and lime green adult one. His look at the boy, Theta, is stern and warm at the same time. Caboose remembers that look, long ago, and she smiles at it. Church used to look at him like that. Now he just looks mad. 

“Sorry,” Theta says, lowering his eyes, his cheeks a little red. “Can I please pet your dog?”

Caboose looks at older brother-dad and when the man nods briefly he makes himself smile. “Yep. He likes being scratched behind the ears. And belly rubs.”

The boy nods and within moments he’s sitting on the path in front of the bench, Freckles in his lap belly up and trying to lick the boy’s face. Theta’s brother-dad sits next to Caboose, a soft smile on his lips that makes Caboose feel a bit warm inside. Like just drank hot chocolate warm, his stomach happy and sweet and almost asking for a nap. But this isn’t the place to nap. It’s not a place to do a lot of things, so instead he watches boy and dog, one laughing and one barking. 

“So,” brother-dad says slowly, “we’ve got a beautiful day, warm air, something like nature, and the joy of Theta and your dog. So why are you do down?”

“I can’t keep Freckles,” Caboose admits. 

“Moving?” The man asks, understanding in his voice. 

“No… my roommate.”

“Allergic?” 

“No, just a meanie pants,” Caboose signs. “Doesn’t want a dog. Thinks I can’t take care of one and he’ll have to do it all. But I did lots of research. Look, I even got him lots of stuff to make a puppy happy and healthy.”

The brother-dad looks in pale, wide-eyed shock as Caboose slides the bag of his shopping over. Without asking Theta turns to the bag, hauls out a pull toy, and then he’s wrestling with Freckles while mimicking his playful growling. Caboose wants to do that. Play and frolic. Bring Freckles home and let the dog sleep on his legs. Wrestle in the living room and teach him not to beg for food but do tricks for treats. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the other man says with a frown. “I really wish I could do something to help.”

“You could take the day!” Theta suggests cheerfully as Freckles pulls the colorful rope from his hands and shakes it around. “You’d like having a dog, North. Even South would like Freckles.”

“That she would, but I can’t just bring a dog home, Theta,” North protests. He probably has a mean roommate, just like Caboose. Or mean parents. 

“Then I could have him!” Theta suggests, turning to look at them with delight in his eyes. 

“I sort of have specific instructions from your brothers to not let you bring strays home.”

“Freckles isn’t a stray,” Caboose protests, and he’s surprised to hear Theta say it as well, to see the boy stand and stomp his foot in protest. 

“He’s sweet and it’s sad that someone is mean and won’t let him go where he’s wanted and loved,” Theta continues. “Everyone should have a home where they’re loved. But now Mister has to take him to the pound and he will be a stray again and he won’t be happy or loved!”

“Theta, kiddo, we can’t just…” North starts to protest, only to be cut off by the boy. 

“You’re the one that says people need places to belong. And dogs are people, so there!” 

Caboose stares from one to the other, and his eyes flash back to North when the man sighs and stands, leaving Theta’s helmet on the bench. 

“I need to make a call,” he announces to them both. “Theta, you stay right here where I can see you. And you Mister… nevermind, I don’t need your name. Still, if you or the dog hurt the kid, you will pay. Slowly.”

The words make Caboose flinch, they are so cold. All he can do is nod in agreement. 

“Don’t worry, he’s only pretending to be scary to protect me,” Theta says as he moves to sit on the bench by Caboose. Within a breath Freckles is on the bench and sprawled across their laps, his pull toy held loosely in his jaws. Caboose pets the dog without really thinking about it, his hand naturally seeking comfort in the fur. 

“He’s very, very good at pretending,” Caboose says with a frown as the man walks a bit away with his helmet on. 

“I think so,” Theta smiles. “My name is Theta, like North said.”

“I’m Caboose.”

“Like the back part of a train? That’s really cool!”

Really? No one has ever told him that before. His name is cool? Caboose has to smile. The kid is really nice. No wonder Freckles likes him. Already Caboose knows that Freckles likes nice people. He is a very nice day like that. Very smart too. 

“Would you… mind if North took your dog home for you?”

Well of course! Well, wait, would nodding mean that he minds that North takes the dog or that he doesn’t mind if North takes the dog? Either way though, the whole thing is sad. 

“He was going to be my dog. My best friend other than Church. And now he has to go away with strangers.”

Theta seems to think about this for a bit, his hands stilling on Freckles’s head until the dog wiggles to encourage more petting. See, smart. 

“Well, you could just not be strangers with North and me.”

“What?” He thinks the word and says it out loud at the same time. 

“North or his sister South bring me here at least once a week if the weather is good. There’s a skatepark here and my brothers don’t like me walking alone on account of the one time I got almost shot and North saved me. He’s a superhero, his sister and friends too. Anyway, if he takes Freckles then Freckles can come on walks with us and you can meet us here to play and talk. It would be like… Well, it would be like we were all friends and all owned Freckles. Because, in a way, we would. Together. And then he’d have more friends and people to love him.”

The suggestion leaves Caboose speechless, staring at the boy as he smiles innocently down at the dog. 

“You know what, Theta?”

“What, Mister Caboose?”

“You are absolutely the smartest person I’ve ever known. Smarter than even Grif, and that’s saying something.”

The boy beams up at him with the best smile ever at that statement. 

“Hey… We could take the ball from the bag and throw it back and forth over Freckles’s head to see if he’ll chase it.”

It’s a very good idea. One that takes two full minutes to get to because Freckles less wants to move and more wants the petting to go on. Still, they get the bright yellow ball out and wave it for the dog before they start throwing it back and forth. Freckles races between them, barking in joy and maybe protest as the ball stays out of his reach. He gets it, of course, when North’s approach draws their attention and Caboose misses a toss from Theta. The pup grabs it up and runs a few feet away to chew on his prize while they wait for what North is going to say. 

Not that either of them needs words when the man takes the helmet off and he’s smiling widely at him. 

“South says yes, and Connie was with her and said yes too. So we can take him home and try to convince the others. No promises but…”

He doesn’t get to finish as Theta and Caboose both rush forward to hug him. Freckles must figure it’s a game because he comes over to run ever shrinking circles around them, barking. 

“Woah, you’d think I was a hero or something,” North laughs. 

“You are though,” Theta says, his words muffled in North’s shirt. 

“You really, really are,” Caboose agrees. 

A hero and soon to be a friend, just like Theta would be. What an absolutely wonderful day. 

\------

“I love coming to the park,” Church says, a smile in his voice as he walks at Caboose’s side down the paths that Caboose has gotten far more familiar with in the month since Freckles. Post Freckles. Month without his perfect puppy ready to curl up at his side. 

“Me too,” Caboose agrees. This is what he shares with Freckles. Where he shares with Freckles and Theta and North. He even met a woman named South last week. She was tall too, about as tall as Caboose himself, and even though she had mean looks as bad as Church’s, she smiles at Theta every time the boy isn’t looking. The woman looks like she wants a hug, and he accepts that. Sometimes it’s hard to give hugs. Or hold hands.

The last one he knows because of the way that sometimes Church’s hand bumps into his and he doesn’t pull away from Caboose. 

“We don’t come here often enough on off days,” Church notes simply. “We should do it more.”

“I come here a lot,” Caboose answers. “Twice a week sometimes.”

That gets Church to stop mid-stride. “You’re here a lot?”

“Yeah,” Caboose agrees, pausing to look at him. “Is that a problem?”

“What the fuck are you doing in the park all the time?”

Well, that’s a secret, isn’t it? His secret with Theta and North and South and Freckles. Except… 

There’s a series of cheerful barks from somewhere over a fake hill and Caboose watches as Church freezes. That’s not a good thing, and Caboose doesn’t want to have him really upset. So he sighs and moves a few steps away from Church. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know they’d come today.”

“They?”

Freckles bounds over the hill, pulling at his leash with energy, practically dragging North on behind him. Theta runs after them, laughing all the while. And when they see him, the speed only goes up, until it looks like Freckles might make North fall down, and Theta looks like he might throw himself down to roll. 

“Caboose! Hey Mister Caboose! You didn’t say you were coming today!” Theta cheers, waving both arms as he runs. 

“Who the fuck is that?” Church hisses out. “Why is he running toward you and shouting your name and being followed by a dog that I swear to god we know doesn’t exist and was never in our apartment and that I never want to see!” 

“Oh, just because you forget Freckles doesn’t mean he wasn’t at the apartment,” Caboose reminds his friend before he starts running forward as well. He wants to meet his friends, all three of them. And meet them he does. Somewhere along the way North lets go of the leash and Freckle’s bounding stride gets even longer. Caboose falls to his knees and with one last, great bound, Freckles is not only in his arms, but bowling him over. 

Caboose laughs as he lays on the ground, tongue licking Caboose as he laughs. See, this is what the people didn’t write about in books about dogs. It wasn’t on television ads or something Church said. It’s not anywhere in the book Caboose made on things to know about dogs. No, this is just Freckles, and maybe some dogs on television shows and in movies. It’s Freckles making him laugh, his tail going faster and faster as his tongue moves and makes Caboose’s face wet. 

It doesn’t end there either. After a second the laughter of Theta is closer and the boy joins the dog in the pile. Immediately it isn’t a greeting from the dog but a three way tussle. Freckles tries to stay on top, licking at their faces when he can get to them. Theta wrestles the dog while trying to sit on Caboose’s chest. And Caboose laughs, holding them both close so they don’t kick or roll or hurt each other. 

“What is going on here?” Church’s voice demands, and Caboose’s eyes are squeezed tightly closed so he doesn’t know how far away his friend is. 

“They do this every time they meet,” North’s voice joins in, and it sounds like it’s getting closer. “Give them a minute or two and one of the three will get tired and decide it’s time to play fetch.”

“Who the fuck are you, why the fuck is the dog here, and who the fuck is the kid? And while you’re here, tell me what the fuck that mutt is doing…”

The words disappear and Caboose’s eyes spring open just in time for a tongue across his nose and an elbow accidentally in his stomach. 

“Don’t swear in front of Theta,” North says, voice cold and level. 

“He doesn’t mean to do it,” Caboose sputters out as Freckles whirls to lick at Theta and Caboose gets a tail in his mouth. This is a bit ridiculous for today, so with a playful roar Caboose sits up and sweeps boy and dog off of him, and while Theta laughs Freckles moves to run to North’s side. 

“I’ve heard way worse from Omega all the time,” Theta smiles, and Caboose doesn’t ask who Omega is. Sometimes Theta tells him about his big family and it makes Caboose smile. Omega is the biggest brother, and he’s very protective, just like North. But he’s louder too. Not good for a dog. 

“Doesn’t mean he should do it,” North answers, his voice a bit softer. “Sorry, didn’t mean to be like that. The name’s North. I’m going to guess from the way you’re cringing that you’re the roommate who doesn’t like dogs.”

“Uh… okay, yeah,” Church mumbles as Caboose gets to his feet. “Why are you…?”

“North, can Theta and I play frisbee with Freckles?” Caboose asks. He doesn’t want to hear this. He doesn’t want Church mad at him, and North seems to handle mad better. He has to if South is his sister. 

“Yeah,” North agrees softly, before getting his backpack off and tossing it at Caboose. 

“We going to hide from your friend?” Theta whispers to Caboose as Caboose takes the bag and offers Theta his hand. The boy scoops up the end of the leash and when they walk off the dog follows. 

“Yeah,” Caboose agrees with a soft sigh. “Church, that’s Church. He doesn’t like Freckles and so I had to give him to North.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Theta sighs. “But you know what? We got to be friends anyway, so that’s really good, right? And Freckles gets to have a big family.”

“All four of us,” Caboose agrees. 

“No,” Theta smiles. “Cause, see, North lives with a lot of people. And they like Freckles. Except the cats there, but they’re learning to play nice. And last time I went to see Freckles at his house my little brother and sister went with me and they played with Freckles too. They really like him. Even my big brother Delta likes Freckles, and he’s scared of dogs too. So Freckles has a good home.”

Caboose stops them when he thinks they’re far enough away, and he puts down the bag to fish out the frisbee. “I still wish I could have Freckles around more. I came to the park with Church to feel better about not seeing him.”

“Well… maybe Church can like Freckles if they play together some in the park,” Theta suggests as he takes the frisbee from Caboose and throws it as far as he can away from them, but also away from Church and North. 

“That doesn’t work,” Caboose shrugs. “But it’s okay. Because we’re here. And we’re friends, Theta. You and me and Freckles are friends, and we’re going to have fun and play together, and you’re going to help him be the bestest dog ever, right?”

Theta smiles up at him, wide and happy. Caboose can’t help but smile back. What more can he need? His friends, his dog, and Church not shouting. What could be better? Other than having the dog for himself? But no, if he had that then he wouldn’t be friends with Theta and North and that’s important too. Better than important. Good. 

And all of it because of Freckles being so awesome.


End file.
